Fiction An Official Elite: Dangerous novel, by T. James. "Out of the Darkness".

Its not very good. Book blurbs need a hook and a flavour of what to expect. You're trying too hard to describe and explain. Aim for a 'zinger' and think about what your book's high concept is.
Okay... I thought I had some hooks in there... you're the editor, so you've read it, fancy a go? :) It'd give me a better idea of what you mean.
 
Maybe the wording needs work as a blurb, but as far as a synopsis goes ... Id def read it.

I take it that it is not a comedy then? :p
 
Okay... I thought I had some hooks in there... you're the editor, so you've read it, fancy a go? :) It'd give me a better idea of what you mean.
I'll see if I can make a little time tomorrow. I did start re-writing it at the time, but thought you'd be better doing it yourself with the points given.
 
Short based on your larger blurb, but:

An elite pilot, his family and his ship disappear. Moira Dolan an investigator everyone expects to fail is on the case. What begins as a simple missing persons investigation unearths a conspiracy against the entire human race...
 
Maybe the wording needs work as a blurb, but as far as a synopsis goes ... Id def read it.

I take it that it is not a comedy then? :p
Thanks. Another reader, woohoo! :) No, it's not a comedy, but there's humour in it.

As for the 'wording needs work as a blurb', I've been researching books descriptions on Amazon. There seem to be two main types: those that go for a *gravelly American voiceover man* 'In a world where...' dramatic style, and those that highlight the main hooks of the story in a descriptive style, whether they be setting, events, or characters.

This leaves me a little confused as, to my eye, my blurb reads like one of the latter. I've read several that, basically, frame the story - and that's what grips a potential reader. If after reading mine you would 'def read it', it's doing something right.

So, what do others think? Does it need more 'zing'? If anyone can link to a book on Amazon that could inspire a re-write, then I'm more than happy to take a look...

Cheers,

TJ.
 
I'll see if I can make a little time tomorrow. I did start re-writing it at the time, but thought you'd be better doing it yourself with the points given.
Thanks, I'd be interested in your take on it, but with Lavecon I know you're a busy man, so don't prioritise this...

Cheers,

TJ.
 
Short based on your larger blurb, but:

An elite pilot, his family and his ship disappear. Moira Dolan an investigator everyone expects to fail is on the case. What begins as a simple missing persons investigation unearths a conspiracy against the entire human race...
Thanks, that works... so the secret is, tell them nothing. ;-) I might be able to springboard something from this - I'll also have another look at other Amazon descriptions (see above). I may need two - something really short like this for the back of the paperback, and something a little more detailed for the online description... Hmmmmm, *scratches chin, and stops before stubble sets light to the carpet*.
 
Thanks, that works... so the secret is, tell them nothing. ;-) I might be able to springboard something from this - I'll also have another look at other Amazon descriptions (see above). I may need two - something really short like this for the back of the paperback, and something a little more detailed for the online description... Hmmmmm, *scratches chin, and stops before stubble sets light to the carpet*.
Heh, not really my thing, just took what Allen said and what you'd written and ran with it. Definitely needs a polish though.
 
News! News! News!

STATUS UPDATE

Out of the Darkness is now OFFICIAL. The story was approved yesterday. :D more details here:

http://outofthedarkness.info/blog/out-of-the-darkness-is-officially-elite-and-dangerous/

Blurb

After some debate and helpful suggestions from several of the other writers, I went away and read some blogs, bought a book, and looked at some more examples. The result is a complete change of style, more in-line with other SF books. Any thoughts/suggestions below, appreciated. Does it sound like something you'd like to read?

'3275.

How do you win a high-stakes game when you don’t even know you’re a pawn?

Competent, driven, broken, investigator for The Proteus Collective, Moira Dolan, buries herself in work to hide from her past. She succeeds, until her brother, Keagan, wrecks her career.

By night, she’s tormented by the dreams. By day, she’s stuck in a dead-end job, assigned unsolvable cases by Ferris, a boss seemingly intent on making her fail. She thinks it’s personal, until Keagan goes missing and Ferris’ actions are cast in a whole new light…

Her latest assignment has Moira chasing ghosts between the stars, but she’s being played—a deadly game that threatens the precarious balance between the galaxy’s major political powers and could cost billions of lives…

If you’re not predator, you’re prey.'​
 
Well done! I'm very hungry to read more Elite fiction, so bring it on :D
It will be brought on... currently waiting on a few generous people with lots of patience and beady eyes for detail. And my wife wants me to go on holiday with her this summer - that may not be negotiable. :)

Thanks, Darren.
 
Cheers, Drew, and I yours.

Why does that sound dodgy? Answers on a postcard will not be replied to. ;)
Thanks to you I am now stuck outside a postoffice with my hand jammed in a letter box.

Cheers,

Drew.

ps. It's hard to write a forum post with only one hand.
 
Thanks to you I am now stuck outside a postoffice with my hand jammed in a letter box.

Cheers,

Drew.

ps. It's hard to write a forum post with only one hand.
If you can post a postcode, I can call the fire brigade? Jokes about lube and the attributes of letterboxes are too obvious, and would probably violate the latest forum guidelines. I will say margarine on the joints is supposed to help...
 
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